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july 17, 2002                                  time 3:30pm

         I AM FINALLY HOME! ahh! those kids are crazy! way too much energy for me! i start summer school next monday, woohoo. -_- .. haha. but anyway .. GUESS WHAT?! i went to audio's website and will had posted that they have email addresses now. so i emailed expecting a reply ten years later, cause they're BUSY BUSY BUSY people. but i had gotten a reply a the same day i wrote will .. HOW COOL. he said he loved the book and that I'M COOL and blahb la hbalh. 
but i'm a loser and underdog! haha. sall good, tho. i want to see isaac again ... i think i'm forgetting how he looks like ... puhahaha. i'm so tired .. well anyways - this is my blog entry for the day.
here's the email::
From: | Block Address  | Add to Address Book
To: "esther kang" <>
Subject: Re: this is the girl who made the small book for audio a!
Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 23:32:20 -0500

hello...thanks for the encouragement...and you are very cool too....the book was will go a long way to remind us why we do what we do... you will never be forgotten .. tell your pastor i said blessed...

today is July 15th of the year 2002 ...... and it's around five pm.. i think
  i start summer school, starting from next monday. oh joy. when i signed up for this class - English 101 - i was overjoyed with what it held .. now i'm just wanting to play. but it's ok. man oh man. let's reflect on these past coupla days or the past week i didn't post. well my father and i have created a new routine in our mornings .. wake up at six and jog , yes even w/ my shin splints .. i cannot stand doing taebo in my sauna home. blah. well anyway - i've been going to vk these past weeks .. er ... two weeks .. i've been praying about this whole "church" dealio for some time .. i've already known that the split was the dumbest thing in the world and everyone knows it, obviously. HBC and VK are nothing. this is nothing to do with people actually. it's something that i can't explain ... just the whole HBC/VK deal .. how they allured me into their circle isn't there .. i'm not growing .. people overanalyze why i think this .. can't they just see that God's will is for me is not in HBC but maybe somewhere else?? but anyway - some know i'm leaving some assume i'll stay forever ... we'll just see what GOd has in store. whatever happens happens.. and i know i have to confront this person .. gosh, i dont HATE her but anything she does to me is SO cruel. last night i had a horrible dream of my future confrontation with her. she killed me. how wonderful eh- what an encouraging statement. oh boy. this one's gonna be a killer. but sall good. God's will is gonna happen. i've been going to so many concerts, i guess. it's been awesome tho. i am offically a by the tree fan. they're so good! their lyrics are very much like audio - humbling, relfects on God's nature .. or atleast of what we can try to fathom.  it's so awesome how God uses music to stir our hearts. some people just dont understand, but i'm sure they'll experience this gratifying experience. well i met this new guy .. he just moved into my apt. he's not quite hot yet ... if you know what i mean .. but he has very nice facial features and manners so far. asked for detergant and constantly said i was "so kind" and actually made eye contact with me .. not that much of a typical guy. but he's korean .. so i'll give it some thought. puhahaha. i make it out as if he's interested in me ... yeah sure. he probably came ove rcause i was the first korean he had seen in this foreign place -for him- aiee. oh gosh, no more guys ... they give me the biggest headache that we cannot even measure its magnitude. yes, it's that bad. please dont be like "oh my .. those hormones" ... if so - then i'll say to you .. "shut ur trap" .. yeah. you're probably a guy thinking that. so listen to what i've said to you. anyway - studying for SATs and college prep. hasn't really gotten to my stress level yet. hope it will never. i've never really STRESSED about anything except lee's papers. that's it.
well gtg.

july third, 2002                time: 12:25am

        wow. wow. wow. siIIiIiiIIiiIgh! wow! AUDIO ADRENALINE CONCERT! THE BEST ... EVER! ok .. begin from the .. beginning. hehe. so the night before ... i was panicing pretty badly, because i wasn't done with the small book i wanted to give them and my shirt was getting all weird. but it all turned out okay. i couldn't sleep, because i was just .... way too excited there. haha. but the next morning, ann picks me up around ... 9:12ish am. early? we didn't think so. we got there around ten ish .. i sorta expected those die hard fans to be there even earlier, but i guess we were the die hard ones. haha. it was me, mish, ann, and grace. i thought the ride would have lagged, but it was so much shorter ... maybe because mish and i would keep on talking about what "might" happen. haha. but we told ourselves "no expectations" . so that we would have a MARVELOUS time  regardless. good plan eh~ well yes, we get there and it is so bare. our hearts of anxiety decrease, thank goodness. we drove the back ... mish and i walked to talk to them ... we were SO ECSTATIC! and then this weird white guy, i guess went to cerritos college, said "i love asians" ... uh ...... ok? haha. and then he was like "oh and i have a "f"ing big mouth." mish and i were freaked out and just gave each other "the look." haha but  as ann dropped off mish and grace, i bought film. so we hung out a bit in ann's car ... i put on the finishing touches on the book. we talked to the "workers" and they told us the soundcheck was starting at twelve. so we waited infront of the gate for a while. we talked about all sorts of things... we would hear the katinas' soundcheck and on the look out for any of the audio a's faces. i THOUGHT i saw Ben, but i wasn't sure .. so i didn't want to make a fool out of myself .. so i just let that by. i reminded myself "no expectations" ... hehe. yeap. we soon had lunch. omy so delish! ann's mom packed us sandwhiches and peaches and water .. it was great .. awesome. we tried to convince the workers that we could help them, but they didn't buy any if it. i'm sure by this then ... all the workers knew our faces. i was just SOOOOOOO happy that i was even there .. for my SWEET SIXTEEN! i'm only sixteen. haha. well yeah - i was wearing the shirt i made, which everybody just loved. :) yay. we wait for a while. we walked around and met some more people. around one this girl came with a chair. i was thinking .. "oh that's what i forgot!!" We got to meet a REAL COOL DUDE named Tim Hearron; he use to be the high school principal or something. we talked about our youth groups and i told him about my small book i made for audio. he thought that the katinas were better than audio ... mmm. i dont agree. hehe. we probably told almost everybody that we were waiting since ten am. and they're go into some kind of shock and say oh die hards. i guess, but i just really wanted to give them the small book. i think it's good. hehe. but yeah, time to time he'd come over and we'd talk for a bit. soon 95.9 the fish came by and had their booth up. they told us that interview would start around three thirty ish ... by about two thirty a small line was forming. just being in the front of the line was very cool. we just talked and ate and walked and waited ... there wasn't really much to do, but time flew by sOOOO quickly. that's a VERY good thing. :) yes, Tim had come back saying that maybe he could hook us up with the backstage stuff. he came back saying "o .. sorry" ... i mean hey! it's all about the thought. he's a vERY cool guy. and right then and there, the person in charge says "oh yes, six o'clock ... tell them not a lot of time but they get to meet them backstage." i was BEAMING with happiness! hehe. Tim reminded us that they're only humans, too. of course. i make an extra effort not to idolize them, because then that would be doing what i did with yoo seongjun. and uh that's no good. hehe. but the fish interviewed the katinas around three and audio adrenaline around 4:30. mish was contimplating on whether she should go to the bathroom or wait for the audio interview. we had ten minutes so we went, and as the gates shut behind us ... we realized that audio adrenaline was behind us. aww how sad. and the interview was INSIDE not outsIDE! :( and as he took a picture with this girl, indirectly, he yells at me "i love your shirt." hehe  i was sorta thinking "what if i couldn't go back stage .... " so i grabbed my small book and gave it to mark ... mark was like " oh is this the journal they tol dus about." i wa slike wow! he remembers! haha. and he asks if he could keep it .. i'm like "yeah! of course" ... and tol dhim to open it .. he was speed reading and kept on saying thank you. he showed tyler and he loved it. aww~ they waved bye to me ... i was so happy!! floating on air, sorta. OH and as mark was readin git he's like what's ur name. i tol dhim esther. he says estada or esther. i was like oh almost everybody calls me estada. sigh! so i was like totally happy. mark and tyler signed my lift CD. ok then it's around five and now time goes by SOOOOOOO slowly!!!!!!! but soon the gates open and we get pretty nice seats i guess. it didnt' relaly matter since there was the mosh pit. we went to buy merchandise. man! they didn't have anything smaller than L or XL for AA sweaters. :( i was SO sad. but i got a shirt and COOOOOOOL POSTER! we waited a bit and then Tim came over and i always got scared that the whole special backstage dilemma would disperse from our fingers. but he was just making sure where we were sitted. what a nice guy! how fortunate of us. so we wait ... then Tim wasn't coming .. so we went looking for him. as soon as tim was in sight (backstage) the usher just let us in. wow. so easily. we met audio. MARK AND TYLER REMEMBERED ME!!! mark said "estada made a great book for us." i was like .. omy. my name! hahaha. and mark kept on saying how cool my shirt was. so did will n'd ben. it was so cooooL! we took pictures and they're so stinkin' tall. SO TALL. i still can't get over that. they'RE SO TALL!!! i dont think i went up to their armpits, even. they're all tall and skinny. and i told mark that i was there for my sweet sixteenth bday ... and he said "happy bday!!" with the most "happy" voice! :)  will is SO cute and sOO cool! i love his hair. Tyler is so cute! Mark is just cOOL and cute! Ben is the "Suave" type. hehe. i LOVE THEM! sigh. i couldn't believe this was all happening to me!!! we took a HUGE group picture. can't wait for those pictures. so after our lil surreal experience, we went back to our seats. jennifer knapp is okay. i love her latest song tho ... she's good live. i love it. and then audio adrenaline. ENERGY AND BEAUTIFUL descrbies it. sigh. mark was GREAT. everybody was SO wonderful! hands and feet was sooooooooo good! that and ocean floor almost made me cry cause it was so convicting. sigh. audio ... the best, man. yeap. i was sad that they didn't sing the big big songs such as beautiful and big house. hmm. maybe their next concert. it was so funny cause they had ushers to make sure that the mosh pit wasn't going all crazy. everybody woul djust rush in. OH and the whole clouds and the streamers. it was SO cool. moshing and trying to indulge in those moments and trying to take pictures. :) after audio's part .. only six songs ... mish and i left to see if we could catch a glimpse of them. we walked down and about .. everywhere basically. then we saw tyler coming down the other side. i was like "is that tyler" and mish yells his name. and it was him! :D we took a picture with him. aww he's so cute. we asked can we take a picture with you. and he's like sure! and spreads his arms! aww! hehe. and as he was walking by i told him "read the book" and he's like "oh i have it with me right now." and he smiles and waves. aww ~! then i just waited for audio to come out .. the rest of them. but they didn't. i guess they just left. i hope they remember me!! i will have to wear this shirt forever. aww they signed on one strip of clothe .... not all four. but other concerts. :) they have to remember me forever! God is so good to me! God willing that i got to meet them and then again and then AGAIN! and having them see how God is using them. i hope it encouraged them so much more!! they're great people and even better performers! how cool that i got a chance to share and talk with these men. i hope i get to meet great guys like them and marry him. hehe. well i dunno when i'd get to meet them again. i hope VERY soon, and that they'd remember me. hmm. well it was SUCH AN AWESOME NIGHT AND BDAY PRESENT TO MYSELF. hehe. NOW I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL PICTURES! AND DECORATE MY ROOM WITH AUDIO! next album!! OH and mark said "we should put this on our website." and i was thinking ..o! that would be AWESOME! i'd go crazy! hahaha. well AUDIO ROX MY WORLD EVEN MORE! :)

may 29, 2002            time 9:58pm

         I GOT MY PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D i came out bloated! but it's SO BEAUTIFUL!! i can't wait until july third!!!!!!!!!!! MAH BOYS! AUDIO!! AHH .. misH! i wanna marry a white christian rock star!!! :) -sigh-

may 28, 2002           time: 7:21am

           i wanna go back!!!!!! i can't wait until i get my pictures on friday!!!!! xP

may 26, 2002            time 10:49pm
        LAST NIGHT'S CONCERT WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D i'm listening to The Loser, which swithfoot played last night. DUDE... ILEEN AND I ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCKY! el rey is SO small and it was PACKED i guess. idunno. the only thing between myself and the stage was ... ONE PERSON. i was THAT close. ok let's start from the BEGINNING......... dun dun dun ....... :)
k .... it's 4:20ish . i left my mom's store and headed down towards the new otani hotel. -this is where ileen is picking me up to the EL REY theatre- STINKIN' yahoo maps ... gave me the wrong directions .. but anyway .. we got to the theatre around five ... the tickets and radio told us that the doors were opening at six pm; so an hour wait didn't SOUND bad. however, man ... we waited until ... 6:40 ..45ish? but it was ok. Crystal, mish's friend, came up to me asking me to save her and her friends a spot. (they waited in line since two pm!! but were going to buy tickets at the door) i'm like sure no problemo. we wait ... wait .. and wait some more .. by this time my legs are killing me. ileen spots a cute asian guy. -umm no comment on my part- hehe. ;) we spot many cute switchfoot t-shirts. wow!! so many!! :) hehe. we called kristin, because she was SUPPOSE to come -- teased her a bit. and were TRYING to call liah, but her cell wouldn't work. hehe. but we wait in line .. FINALLY the gates open .. they had to search through my bag!! i guess looking if we're taking food, but .. wow talk about tight security! but anyway . we go in ... wow. el rey is a clubhouse, by the looks of it. -open floor and seats on the side- i run up and the stage is RIGHT THERE. Crystal and her friends were infront of us. i was sO excited and anticipating for ... switchfoot and kevin max. (lead singer from DCtalk) there were two new "debute" bands : el matador and starflyer 59. el matador was VERY good; TOTALLY into what they were saying ... wow the base guitarists are SO cool looking!! the TOTAL look man! the loose jeans w/ a small T and long hair ... in their face .. w/ a base. WOW. haha. but anyway ... el matador's lead singer was tOtally a born singer and concert man! it was really nice. then starflyer 59 ... umm yeah. ok SWITCHFOOT was next. MIsh constantly rants and raves about them so i sorta expected  a lot. but omg! they're sOOOo good! i'm such a switchfoot fan! (but it's okay my audio a boys ... you're still my number one) they came out int he dark .. omg! they're SO cute! they're TOTALLY into it!!!! there was a huge mob of big big fans of them, holding a sign saying we're losers. (they have a song called the loser) it was so cute. i was SO close that i could see their veins popping out and their sweat dripping from the corner of their forheads. it was a sweet deal. i sorta felt so stupid cause i only knew three to four songs that they sang. and that's .. just .. the chorus!! haha. but it was good. i cried when he told us about the song 'dare you to move' ... it was so convicting to live the christian life. I LOVE THEM!  and in the song "dare you to move" ... there's a verse saying ..."saaaalvation is heeeere" the CRowd went WIIIIIILD!!!!!!!! i was like .. aww .... christians together .. praising God. using switchfoot. HOW BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but audio a is better. :) -- AHH i'm OH sooooooo excited for july THIRD!!!!! my bday present to myself!! join me if ya want! -- and by this time .. my voice and ears are ... gone. hahaha. ;) and then kevin max came out .. wow. he's so OG and funky. he had a feather boa around his neck! so cute. and pink sunglasses on. i LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE his voice! man! he'd grab ppl's hands and kiss them or pulled up fans from the crowd. this one lady went WILD!! and umm yeah. haha. he made eye contact w/ me for a loooong time and then gave me a thumbs up! haha. i dunno for what. haha. HE SANG JESUS FREAK!!!  after that the CROWD went wiIIIIIILLLLD!  we moshed and totally. wow. haha. he threw his pink sunglasses into the crowd and guUUESs wHoO caught it ... I DID!! and got his signature. :) but that was pretty nice. i was sO happy!! andOMG that blue feathered boa was TOTALLLLLY iLEEN's!!! but that other girl totally snatched it out of her hands!!! man, even other people were like ... that was SO yours! hahaha. the concert was going gREATLY! :) hehe. it was over. sadly. we walked outside TOO SOON. we couldn't go back in to buy tshirts or stickers or ... anythign!! they wouldn't let us in! so we're pretty sad. but dude ... my ears were ringing and i couldn't hear at all. my voice was dead. I LOVED IT!! haha. and when i called my dad to pick us up .. i was yelling and he was like .. "sTOp YEllING!" hehe.. we get demo CDs tho, of a new band called the small poets ... they're pretty okay. hehe. and the demo guy was SO perfect looking id unno. REALLY tall white guy w/ sorta long hair .. skinny but a lil toned. he was totally conversing w/ me ... and he was responding. :) totally hitting on him . each other? hahahahahha. but yeah. crystal shows me that jon was walking out. we take pictures w/ him. nice huh~ then we take pictures w/ tim ... we see him outside of his car. a cute car.  :) and then kevin max comes out. i grab ileen and tell her to come here. we take a picture w/ him. then i ask him to sign my sunglasses and he says "sure" w/ the CUTEST smile. he's sorta scary looking but his eyes are to die for. ileen and i are VERY VERY VERY lucky! and the guys from el matador were leaving. awwww the base guitarist was waving bye! and ileen and myself were like byee!!!! hehehe. he was very cool suave looking. NO KOREAN GUY could look like that!!! PUHAHAHA. yeAH RIGHT! only tall skinnyly toned guys could pull it off. but we were so sad that we only got to take pictures but no merchendise. AT THAT MOMENT an asian girl comes up to us and asks where jon is ... and we said that he probably left. and she was holding all these switchfoot CDs and i asked her where and how much. she siad here ten bucks!!!!!!! so we're like omg that's so lucky. blah blah. and she's like oh .. i work for them i can get you CDs. we're like ... niiiiiiiiiice! so we got switchfoot CDs for ten bucks! SWEET TIME TO BE ASIAN AND CHRISTIAN! :) and then we took a picture w/ tim. my dad comes and takes us home. and this is NOT the end. we're going and i look out my windown and GUESS who it is ..... jon!!! from switchfoot. i roll down my window and i wa slike HI!!! joN!!! and he's like hey~ how'd you like the show? and i was like omg yeah! it was so awesome! can u pose for a picture??? so he gives a thumbs up. awwww it was classic!  my FIRST concert experience was VERY sweet and cool. :) yay! thank God for Christian music! seriously! yay!!!!!!!! THINK JULY THIRD .... and THIRTEENTH. :) woohoo! can't wait misH!!! I'M GOING TO MARRY A WHITE CHRISTIAN ROCK STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) <3 <3 that would be SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and promised myung free tickets .. my -58 buddy. and OF COURSE susan lim! :) oh and my concert buddy, mish fish! okay i feel retarded. i'm like sixteen -n a month- and i'm already determining whom i'm giving free tickets to when i marry a white christian rock star! hahaha. gorgeousness estada.

may 23, 2002           time - 10:15 PM

        some people need to chill. haha. yeah. that's how i will start today's blog. so .. let's begin with my mood for today. hmm. i'd have to say ~ anticipation. -for the concert and God's plan to unfold infront of my feet- this week has been ... quite interesting partical towards amazing. i'm sure if you know me pretty well you know how crappy my past has been .. in terms of friends, family, blah blah blah. it was hell. literally hell. numerous amounts of problematic situations. but aaaaanyways ~ all these people from my past TOTALLY had me learn so many lessons in life. so many of my peers have been discouraged by church and petty details life jus thappens to give us. you see .. life is .. WAIT i'll put thiis up on "thought of the day" .. hehe. but school can be soooooooo overwhelming! i hate it. this coming week will be hell because of espanol. but anyways ~ school is almost over. my grades are like .. omg. i'm so scared of getting my ass kicked by my parents. :X i seriously dont want to dissapoint them in any way, i think it's too late. but :( i dunno. it's confusing. my heart is set on middlebury/wellsley or even pepperdine. :) school school. but God has shown me a large amount of him this week. wait no. back track. he used people from my past to remind me of the true reasons of my existence. myung suh. my best buddy in my early elementary school years. i saw her online and decided to bid my greetings. and i find out that God has answered my prayers. my looooooong prayers. how great! :) i love it. she brightened up my day. well i gtg.

my future home! sigh ... i wish!! Middlebury College

may 21~
ahhhhhhhhh ~ i'm so sick of schOOL! oh and .. note to self ... guys are major jerks. right now .. i'm in love w/ an impossible man! this "perfected invisible figure!" this strange man i dont even know. literally. and no i am not a mad woman, thinking of these psychotic ideas. but you know every female .. whether you're four or fourty. if you're single .. then you dream of ur future husband. and i'm so in love w/ the idea of a white verion of a Dostoevsky in his own band. how cool eh~ the guitarist? lead vocalist? drumer? who cares! haha. but wow. Dostoevsky is SUCH an intellect. wow what a turn on! i mean he's dead. but his mind is so much alive! i want to marry a man who has be yearning for more ... of God, the World, and man. the most complex idea in the text. i want to know so much! sigh. knowledge IS key, but a girl needs to just have fun at times. yeah i do love learning. i'm a nerd+crazy chiq yeap. that equal estada. i can be the most studious child yet the craziest spontaneous wild child. i'm quiet yet loud. what a strange analysis. gosh. i'd love a guy who tries to win me by saying shakespeare .. tolstoy ... say exerpts from books, poetry, songs .. sigh. how beautiful. i'd love an intellect. i'm hoping i will meet this "man" while i am in Vermont! :) while we're strolling down the park ... the grass, greener than ireland's own, the trees' leaves ... and he's wearing his dark rimmed glasses telling me all about his insights in life and what his professor had taught him. sigh. how wonderful that would be. puhahahaha. but he's not only a nerd w/ qualities but a fun loving guy. clubs, parties, sense of humor, and fun fun fun! :) hahaha. how funny if in five years? -i'm twenty one!!!! :) - i meet him and he read this. and he's like ah ... i am him. hahaha. anyway . today was ok. came home early because during second period ... i was coughing nonstop. literally. my chest and throat were dying. but it's okay. i took a nice one hour nap. now i am going to work out and then read dostoevsky .. dickens ... then ......... homework. :( ... but gtg thanks for reading. whoever you are!

Mark Stuart!

Audio Adrenaline's lead vocalist ... he's SOOOO SUPER COOL!! this is my fav. picture of mark, b/c he's wearing a harley davison hat thing .. and ya know how much i LOVE harleys ... :)  dude, they're all tall!